Explanation of Dream House

Painting of the house on Sudbury Road in Concord, MA, by Felix in 2017

Through his teen years, Felix found solace is an old house near his home in Concord Massachusetts. The house was falling apart and abandoned but Felix loved it and wanted badly to be able to restore it. In fact, he tried many times to reach out to the absent owner of the house, but he was a completely inaccessible recluse. 



Anna in her dress

The house was a metaphor to Felix, of the parts of himself that he felt could not be expressed. It was where he housed his oppressed femininity. He also deeply identified with Anna, one of the previous young inhabitants of the house. In the house, he came across some of her belongings such as her dress and some Polaroid pictures.

The house was eventually torn down, and to say Felix was heartbroken is an understatement. Following that, Felix wrote a journal entry, included here, in which he speaks of the house's meaning to him. He also painted an image of the house, with him running towards it, as if he was running home after being gone for a while.



Felix in Anna's dress with his friends in Concord, MA

Dream House: The House on Sudbury Road

February 27, 2017

No, it wasn’t the physical building itself I lost; it was the part of me that I kept there. In my dreams, I traveled to that house, its rooms and contents expanded in my sleep and became the symbolism of my dream language. When I was alone in my mind, all the days shut up in my room, my mind wandered and I could picture going up the front steps through the light red door, and the way the light filtered through the dusty transom panes. How beautiful abandonment could be. In the detritus and decay, I lay the parts of me that I kept hidden. In waking life, I had to abandon the rejected parts of me, the feminine parts, the sensitive parts, my freedom, my dreams, vulnerable things. There was my shelter, my alter.

Anna Newman was my friend and she was this fragment of my psychic being, the dark side of my moon. I thought that if I shut up those parts of myself, because they had this place to exist, that I could return to them later. No, now it is gone, a part of myself is lost. And a time in my life that I feel I was not fully able to experience, I can not go back to.

In the absence of a psychiatrist, the house taught me to accept myself. It was the afterlife, the only place my dream soul could survive when I cast it out. That’s always what I meant when I said “dream house.”

Farewell dream house, trust, self-awareness, female intuition, safety, dreams, spirits, Anna, solitude, afterlife, staircase of shoes, typewriter in the attic, ominous twangs of the grandfather clock at midnight

Finding Felix: a Memory Memorial by Matt Williams

Felix came to me via an apprentice application, I hired him over the phone during a somewhat incomprehensible phone call – I was deep inside a Target in DC and found it a bit hard to hear him speak, but then again I always did.

I went with my gut, I must say.  My old opera boss in DC hired me for Spoleto in 1993 much the same way, and I just ‘went with it’, and felt like I’d give Felix a whirl, he was still in school at that point – it was 2010.

The first season he was at Spoleto was a mad whirlwind of fake flowers, baskets and swords, and really the best part of that year was our crew photo – “Alice in Wonderland” with Felix in a ridiculous little dress, against a ‘V’ of “Flora” scenery, with me as the Mad Hatter, pouring tea.

 Sussy, my Number One, was corralling a fake dog.  It was a piece of art.

Felix was with me for eight years, and every year he got a bit braver jumping in on projects, and making his presence known.  After a couple of seasons, I came to think of him as my ‘mission’ – I was Hagrid,  he was  my ‘magical creature’, and it was my responsibility to take care of him, make sure he was doing okay, and keep feeding him artistic projects that he could just run off into a corner and finish perfectly.  Even if they did get cut. I’m thinking of a huge basket he wove of Zip-Ties for “Matsukaze”, which was a sparkling piece of genius – the basket, not the show -  but the director and designer didn’t go for it.  Sad !!

It was during “Kepler” in 2012 that I first saw the effect Felix was having on visiting designers, once they’d spent some time around him.  We were backstage at the Sottile, getting through another endless tech rehearsal, and the designer, who was a bit of a putz, came up to me and said, “you know, I’m straight and everything but … I have to say I’m kind of in love with Felix” …. I just patted him on the arm and said “yeah, Andrew, it’s okay …. Everybody is.”

I always felt badly for putting Felix through the hellish experience of “El Niño” in 2014, but he did so well, brilliantly painting a series of puppets with a wonderfully complex broken glaze sort of treatment, which of course was completely invisible in the ‘blinding headlight’ lighting design, which was just awful.  Felix posed with some of the puppets later. I think even he was impressed by his work on those.

2013 saw our beloved Italians come to Charleston for the first time, and it was a delightful Charm Offensive, Felix was in command backstage and we all had a wonderful experience getting the show done, Felix had a grand time there and did some wonderful bits for the show.

The same Italians came back two years later for ‘Veremonda’ and Felix was again delightful, coming up with some nutty ideas for hand props and struggling mightily to build a small folding table.  He was upset that his carpentry wasn’t better and I just stood him still one day and said: “Felix, no one can do everything and you’re my One-Man Art Department – and I’m grateful for that.”  I feel sure he blushed.

And now we come to “Farnace”, which we did in 2017, a Vivaldi opera, and my very favorite Felix story.  It was a late-arriving ‘concept project’ that apparently the costume and set designer had chatted about, and even produced a sketch, but the process had stopped there.

One day the set designer sheepishly produced this sketch, of a harness with rings front and back, which could and did get attached to the singer and the floor, she was dragged around by it a bit, like you do.

So Francis showed me the sketch and said ‘What do you think?’

I said “ if the costumer has this done in NY and shipped down, it won’t fit and it’ll have to be rebuilt, AND it’ll cost a damn fortune.

Let me talk to my people about it.”

Well, Felix’s eyes lit up and he said “I’d love to do it. My dad bought me a leather sewing machine to reupholster his car and motorcycle seats, but I ended up making leather harnesses for leather queens with it instead …”

I stared at him for a minute, stopped the story before he could go into details, and the rest is history.  Many meetings, many fittings, FedEx-ing leather bits in, Felix working on the harness in his apartment evenings after work … and then, of course, it was perfect.  He hammered rivets, distressed corners and even did the painting on it.  It was a triumph, and happily it led to more work the next summer with the same designer.

That was sadly Felix’s last year at the Festival.  I had hoped with him skipping 2018, he’d be in good enough shape to come back.

I feel robbed, like we all do, and sorry to have to miss out on his continuing Evolution, which was wonderful to see happening, even if it did mean someday he’d outgrow Spoleto.

Felix was my apprentice, my Journeyman, my assistant, my One-Man Art Department, my Magical Creature, my colleague, and my friend.

Spoleto will be less without him, as are the different worlds he moved in, as is the World in general.

His loss is substantial, heart-breaking, and bewildering. I am still trying to make a feeble effort to understand it.

But I have such a store of wonderful memories of him, taking me shopping for shirts, eating impossibly hot Thai food, sipping on minty Thai cocktails with ice cream afterwards, walking on the beach, snarfing down tacos at Taco Boy on Folly Beach, and fireworks at Middleton …

All of it is part of the Universe now …

And Felix looks at me from photographs and says “ didn’t we have a time together?”

Yes, Felix, we did …. We did indeed.